Writings

I Healed Using the Placebo Effect

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I was going through so much at such a crucial time in my life. The relationship that I was in was something that I knew I didn’t want to be in for the rest of my life. I knew that I didn’t want this person to continue to be someone that I was supposed to build with. I knew that. But I only realized that when I saw all of the differences in us that really created too much space. We grew apart. Love is always an option. You can choose to feel love, and as far as loving myself; I really felt like things were going to get better and when they didn’t, I blamed myself. I continued to imagine if things were actually better instead of if they get better. I truly believe that when you insert the word “if”, you ultimately create a cloud of doubt. And who needs doubt? How is doubt going to make your situation any better? How is doubt going to give you the leverage you need to succeed at anything? When doubt comes into play; you begin to create a lifestyle, and mindset around that doubt and then it becomes a reality. You ultimately create that world because you initially ran with a thought of doubt.

 

“If the brain expects that a treatment will work, it sends the healing chemicals into the bloodstream, which facilitates that. That is why the Placebo Effect is so powerful for every type of healing. The opposite is equally true & equally powerful; when the brain expects that a therapy will not work; it doesn’t. This is called the Nocebo Effect“.

 

Ways I began & maintained my healing process

One of the hardest things for me to do was to maintain my mental progress. There were times I sat in the corner crying because I just couldn’t see the end of the tunnel. Where is the light? Why am I not able to continue on this path through transition without getting upset and losing it?

  • WRITE A GRATITUDE JOURNAL: Every morning I wrote in my journal thanking the Universe for everything that I was going through because everything that I was experiencing was going to benefit me in the long run. We encounter so many forks in the road, and distractions on the path of enlightenment that we all seek to travel without bumps (a smooth road on this path doesn’t exist). This journal doesn’t have to be special. It just has to be something that you’re actually willing to fill up with all of the things in the world you are grateful for.
  • FOCUS ON YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE: I knew that I wanted to help people and continue to move on a path of enlightening other people as I traveled on my own path of enlightenment. But in order for me to help people, I needed to make sure that I was on my own path and able to be an inspiration to others. I cannot inspire if I have not lived the path that I am taking others on a journey through.
  • STAY OPTIMISTIC: It is so damn hard for us to continue to remain positive. We cannot naturally expect this to just fall into place. We have to take action in order to remain positive. By human nature we are negative in our thoughts sometimes. When you’re in a nail shop, and you hear the conversation around you; your brain has you thinking that those around you are talking about you. The truth is, it doesn’t matter if they are or not. Lets not let your brain go down the path of negativity.
  • MEDITATE: This was so difficult for me!! I would sit there with my mind racing. My frequency would be all wrong. I was a mess. And in the beginning I began to wonder if I was ever going to be any good at meditating. But eventually I continued and made sure that my mind was quiet. You have to practice meditation.
  • PRACTICE THE PLACEBO EFFECT: Our minds have the power to heal. I think often we misunderstand the power of the mind. It is so important for us to understand that our mind is an extremely powerful tool. The placebo effect is due to a person’s expectations. Like acupuncture and reiki, it is a healing practice. This article below perfectly explains the Placebo Effect and how it can work wonders…

 

The 1980s by the Aldus Corporation

Your mind can be a powerful healing tool when given the chance. The idea that your brain can convince your body a fake treatment is the real thing — the so-called placebo effect — and thus stimulate healing has been around for millennia. Now science has found that under the right circumstances, a placebo can be just as effective as traditional treatments.

“The placebo effect is more than positive thinking — believing a treatment or procedure will work. It’s about creating a stronger connection between the brain and body and how they work together,” says Professor Ted Kaptchuk of Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, whose research focuses on the placebo effect. (click here continue reading…)

Writings

The Notion

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“Those were in my corner actually weren’t; they were it the mix for their own benefit.”

 

I remember an ex would tell me not to take things to heart and that I needed to change everything about me because it wasn’t good enough…A friend that I thought was a friend accused me of something that is completely out of my character. I met someone new once and they would tell me not to swear so much…There was no freedom in who I was as a person and who I wanted to be. And that was evident by how those were around me were treating me because of how I felt about myself.

“The problem we have is our lack to empathize with other people. The fact that we are too expecting of them to change instead of taking them as they are”.

Do not try to change something about someone that in nature isn’t threatening to you. Do not try to change something about someone to accommodate you. Do not change the things about that person that make them who they are. If someone doesn’t suit me, it’s ok. I will keep the shit moving because I am in no position to lose sleep over how someone else feels or doesn’t feel about me.

Imagine yourself walking through a path we call life, and how you treat or feel about yourself determines how ‘sticky’ your skin is.

In other words, if you have low self esteem, your body is covered in stickiness because everything you encounter is going to stick to you. Why? Because of how you feel about yourself. On the other side, if you have a high self esteem, your body isn’t sticky at all. You might encounter one or two feathers along the way that stick to you.. but for the most part nothing sticks to you. Your “layer” gets thicker because of the feathers. Each and every feather that is on you is masking what’s underneath… the true you. Every feather represents someone else’s opinion about you. And if you know anything about feathers (thankfully I do lol); every single feather is not like another. The same is true for each person’s perspective, thoughts of you and what they say about you based on that information. So what do you do? If you had to pick each feather off of your body one by one, that would take a lot of time right? It would even take a bit of self discovery for you to get the courage to get rid of the feathers weighing you down, but eventually you would realize how much other people and their thoughts and opinions don’t fucking matter. Eventually a ‘weight’ would be lifted off of you.

Stop letting other people who feel like shit about themselves bring you down. It’s not fair to you to sit down and take someone else’s shit just because they think you deserve it. There isn’t a reason in this world that you cant say no to allowing those feathers stick to you. It is important for you to understand that your love for yourself takes over the love someone else has for you. The science behind that is really about loving yourself and letting that radiate. Everything else will follow.

A date a couple months ago involved a conversation that went like this:

The guy said “I don’t like women who drink.”

I stared at him for a second…”Care to elaborate?”

“I just don’t like women who drink. I think its a nasty habit. My mother was an alcoholic…” he said

So, I took another sip of my fucking Jameson on the rocks and proceeded to enjoy the hell out of that sip. I looked at him and then looked at his beer. Yup, you read right. He had a motherfuckin beer! I couldn’t believe this douchebag. Here’s what I said: “So what you’re saying is your mother was an alcoholic, and because of that you feel the need to put a sexist one sided standard on women you encounter? I am not your mother, and I just don’t think that’s a fair thing to say.” I never called him again.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself.

Writings

The Way I Feel

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I had given it so much thought.
– El’Aundra Dolce –

So much of what I am is strong. I think given my complacent nature about many other things, and so amped up about what I’m strong about handling actually balances out. I can sit here and lie telling myself I am weak and I need to go harder, cry longer, and dig deeper. Because at the end of the day I am not built like any other woman that I have met. And other people know that and use it against me by betraying me in more ways than one. Because they know I am innocent. I am innocent of greed that calculates into negative. I am innocent of lustful attractions towards those who mistreat me. I am not completely sure it’s natural for people to say that to themselves. But for me it just comes naturally. I am sitting in a bed in a woman’s shelter. I have taken weeks and turned them into progress. I am moving into an apartment that will be considered my place of movement. The fact that I am able to sit and remain calculated in the bigger picture further proves my point.

There was a period in time recently where I didn’t have a cell phone and instead of being angry I was focusing in. I am still not getting my own personal life right if I am without a phone due to the people I am around the most. 

I couldn’t believe the girl that I thought was cool enough to leave alone around some of my most prize possessions would steal something from me. It was quite uncomfortable for me to continue to look at her. How irritating it was for me to go through. They then became suspect. My iPhone 7+ had the logicboard fail in it yesterday and I am without any of the funds needed to fix it… at least right now. I do however possess the skill and tools to fix it on my own without a large expense. I am going to go without a smartphone for the remainder of time I have until I am able to access my storage and get the tools needed to fix my broken iPhone. I will not be on social media other than to write. I am done. I need to center myself and the only way to do that is cut myself of every situation and person that is taking from me and draining me. I cant say that I haven’t tried to be patient and kind and reserved and modest in my efforts to be a good person. I have done all of those things. But the fact of the matter is that the more I continue to do for others without doing for myself, the more I am going to fail at my own hardships.

The Universe is telling me that if I don’t receive the message this time that I need to focus on myself and getting where I need and want to be personally; I will be stripped until I have nothing. And I will have done it because of my own fault. Because I am giving more to others than I am giving to myself. I am not here right now for them. I am not in Syracuse for them. I am here for my son. To claim my son because pain done to him is pain to me. And pain to me is beyond pain to him. It is killing him. If you have read anything about how I gave birth to my son, you would know that I love that little boy unconditionally.

Making a way out of here to be able to do everything that I need to do is the most important to me. I have been looking at apartments in specific areas and I want to be able to be close to those I know I can count on and can count on me. Now that I have my eye on an apartment, I will do what I have to do in order to get squared away with getting into it and making it to the next milestone.

I am ready.

Writings

The Denial

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The hardest conflict to resolve is the one within yourself
– El’Aundra Dolce –

I always was told if you tell yourself something often and long enough you will start to believe it. I started believing I was never going to find better or that I wouldn’t get what I deserved. But that I deserved the sick, twisted relationship I was in with him. I didn’t begin with me not loving myself. I stopped loving myself because I honestly thought everything that HE thought was wrong with me was based on valid opinions. Like his mattered over anything else.

I had more than my share of occurrences where I would be made to feel like I was crazy. As if I was the one who needed him in order to succeed in life. As if I was nothing without him and there was nobody better for me than him. The sad thing is that I started to believe it. I had gotten so out of shape because of how he was making me feel about myself and I started to notice people weren’t as attracted to me anymore. It was harder to make friends. It was harder to carry on a conversation about what I wanted in life and where my life was headed because I truly didn’t know. I didn’t know myself and I wasn’t able to discern whether it was because I had simply lost who I was or if I had just adopted how someone else felt about me as well as losing who I was.

There was no way for me to find out other than using time as my vice grip. It was the only thing that saved me. Time led me into learning more and more about the outcome of my decisions in that relationship. I saw the outcome of my good deeds when it pertained to him and they were hardly anything other than negative. I chose to sit and ponder my place in life with him as my master.

It wasn’t that I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Rather, it was that I had given up on my wherewithal to get there. I didn’t have the energy to get there nor did I believe in myself enough to see that all I needed to propel myself forwards was strength, and nothing more.

I struggled to make sense of things even though they were in a shamble. One minute I wanted to continue to be with him and one minute I disliked him terribly for how he treated me and the resentment had begun to build inside me. A forest fire of emotions would run through me every day because as each and everyday dragged on with me being trapped in this relationship I was losing sight of who I truly was inside. That conflict was causing so much friction inside me. It had been something I had never experienced before and I always told myself that once I am out I will never come back. There is no amount of money, pressure, gifts or anything else that would make me want to go back to the man I wasted almost 4 years of my life on; thinking there was something I did to deserve being treated like I was.

I struggled to make sense of things even though they were in a shamble. One minute I wanted to continue to be with him and one minute I disliked him terribly for how he treated me and the resentment had begun to build inside me. A forest fire of emotions would run through me every day because as each and everyday dragged on with me being trapped in this relationship I was losing sight of who I truly was inside. That conflict was causing so much friction inside me. It had been something I had never experienced before and I always told myself that once I am out I will never come back. There is no amount of money, pressure, gifts or anything else that would make me want to go back to the man I wasted almost 4 years of my life on; thinking there was something I did to deserve being treated like I was.