Podcast, Self Love

The Motivating Factor

” I walked into Walmart with the intention of getting a baby gate and getting the hell out. “

 

There is something in me now that I didn’t have before. It is the dislike for a public crowded place and the business that goes with it. I am not necessarily always interested in that. More often than not I like to go to a smaller store and be out quicker than to go to a bigger store like Walmart that always only has 1 lane open.

So it was a no brainer when I walked in with my headphones in and headed towards the baby protection area. I used to love Walmart. There were things about it that really calmed me at one point in life. It’s become even less so these days. I find myself connecting more with the Trader Joes feels in life. On my mind was how quick I could use my peripheral vision and intent to leave. 15 minutes. I was on the phone with my brother which distracted me for the most part and it helped. But we were just catching up, as we often need to do.  I grabbed the baby gate and went to stand in line. I was a little excited inside because they have this rustic looking gate. I really like the look of it. I headed to the self checkout area. Took a look at my surroundings and suddenly I noticed the woman who was walking up to me. Took a second and then when I figured out who it was, I didn’t make a face in reaction. 

I did however continue the conversation with my brother. His voice calmed me down a bit. It was the one thing I wasn’t prepared for. Seeing her. And of all the days. Mother’s Day. I see the mother of the man who broke my heart…on Mother’s Day. The man that, had it not been for the lack of love in his life from his mother; he would have recognized a little sooner that I was the one that got away. I have met her before. The general lack of excitement for her son being with a woman such as myself was humbling. She is not the type of woman that I am and felt threatened. It was a feeling I had prepared myself for, so when I met her it was definitely accurate. I was just waiting for the time that I would have to execute my matrix moves and jet to the next open lane. Strength can be found in silence sometimes. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her son. But what good would that have done. She stood in the room with us. She should have figured it out. And that was such a good lesson for me to learn today. I realized that I can be unshakable as long as I pass the tests set forth by the universe. Remaining thankful for the lessons I learn. For the struggles I encounter and the wars I overcome. When I walked out of the Walmart I felt him in the parking lot. I feel him in this city. But he has yet to cross my path in public. And when it happens. I will pay no mind. I will pay no mind because he is no longer mine. 

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