I have had so much going on mentally. I have many emotions I have already worked through and many I have yet to settle. I got to writing last night, and I was actually in the middle of doing some other things. I literally had to stop what I was doing, throw a post it on my door for the kids to know ‘mom is busy. 30 minutes’ I was in a zone. I was having a moment of flow and was not about to let it pass me by. With that being said, this is an extremely heartbreaking piece. I will admit that. I was crying while I was…

‘If a relationship is what you’re looking for, I’m not there and can’t provide that for you. You will have to find someone else for that’ LET LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS NEVER LEAVE YOU, BIND THEM AROUND YOUR NECK. WRITE THEM ON THE TABLET OF YOUR HEART. THEN YOU WILL WIN FAVOR AND A GOOD NAME IN THE SIGHT OF GOD AND MAN -PROVERBS 3:3-4 That’s what he said to me. I think at the time I didn’t understand fully where he was coming from. He was being honest about how he felt at the time? Or was it just that he didn’t want to be with me? I was fully…

Lines of lies in treasured veils Tall proportions weighed on a misogynistic scale Bludgeoned with expectations of poise and composure Slapped with scolding memos of ways to scold her Hedonistic values with tokens of false appreciation Thunderstorms of differences without hesitation Share resources of conflict inflicted instead Now realizing all the while, the love once there is now dead -El’Aundra

I sat in thought about ‘being lost’ today. I pondered the idea of there being an epiphany that accompanies finding yourself. Do you just look in the mirror and say ‘Here I am!’. Do you finally realize who or what you are and you suddenly have answers from there on? Well, regardless of the many ourcomes and epiphanies I have had in the last few months, more than one truth stands firm. Sometimes it’s just therapeutic and helpful to take time to get to know YOU. Know what you want and what you need. I was blessed to have had the time to do that a lot within the past…

Always challenging my thinking, I like to adhere to standards create growth. This year was frantic. Felt rushed. Felt like you were standing in line, not quite knowing what it is that you are standing in line for. You know it is something. But the fact that you are unable to see anything that is going on makes it harder for you to move in your day to day life. You get stressed. Worried. Anxious. Panicked. It’s a toll in itself. It is not something for the faint of heart. You truly have no idea what’s next. Either because you have not been shown the way, lost it or cannot…

Surreal is how I choose to explain what happened. It was like something out of a movie. You meet someone and just have this crazy, insane connection with them. But they don’t realize who/what you are…or do they? Do they know what you’re worth and that scares them? Makes them search for simpler. Do they not know what you’re worth and that scares them? He called me and asked me to come over and chill. It was a whole day we spent together. I expected it to be one thing; and it wound up being another. I have found myself sitting and wondering why someone just up and leaves me.…

Have you ever been around anyone, and they are so negative that when you finally get away from them; you are shocked at how much better you feel and perform. It is not without angst when you let someone you love go because they are just too toxic for you. The guilt that some people feel is what brings them back to interacting with this person that they have deemed as toxic to them. Unfortunately, it’s not like the other toxic things in the world. When you reach for the bleach, there are warnings all over it.; so you adhere to those warnings. When you begin dating someone, there aren’t…

When there’s reciprocation, it’s called requited love. Requited love is a love that is returned. Unrequited would mean the contrary. I had to look at this situation I had found myself in, with open eyes. I wasn’t really going to benefit by going deeper within myself while still blaming myself for the current circumstance I was in. I needed to appreciate how and why I had gotten here in the first place. I think that was really the first step to escaping this type of love that I felt. The way I wanted him to love me was not returned how I wanted. It wasn’t mutual. That made it unrequited.…

I have found myself thinking about how many times I have chased love. How many times I have given love and not received it back; which is called ‘Unrequited Love’ (Read about my experience with it in my previous post. It was deep. It was extremely painful. ABOVE ALL ELSE, GUARD YOUR HEART, FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FLOWS FROM IT. PROVERBS 4:23 And each time made me stronger. Because it wasn’t just once that I dealt with it. And I was just thinking the other day that I am feeling stronger. Because it wasn’t just once that I deal with it. And I was just thinking the other day that…

For a while it was like a constant battle with him. And when I say constant, I mean the shit. It seemed like there were so many conversations that had him ready to throw the towel in just much as I. I proceeded to walk through the house. Angry as fuck. I didn’t give a shit what he said. What he said was wrong. There was no need to take it there. I can’t stand people who feel like they need to bring hateful words to a sensible conversation. All that does is make me flip the switch. I was yelling at him back and telling him all the while…