Solitary

They always thought they were doing something for me. As if filling my gut with their fake love was going to somehow lock me in. It was temporary. Where are you when I sleep? Where are you when I’m broken down? Where are you when my migraines hurt so bad I can’t even fathom talking to people. Where are you when I sit on the bathroom floor consumed with so much emotion I can’t breathe steadily? Where are you? But instead of being here when you can slide inside, be present. So you’re with others? What others? Why others? My others? There are no others…I bet you had no idea what you had in your pocket. They always run to the ones who don’t want them but come back to me because my love was good. I counted on the relaxed effort I received. It was almost as if my heart was okay with mediocre it was pumping 5w20 and I needed higher viscosity love. Tell me I’m beautiful. Because every morning I wake up is a new day and there’s something more to love. I love to hear it. Or is there something for YOU to love? If there isn’t, you aren’t the one. I love who I am. But tell me beautiful BECAUSE I am. Tell me I’m smart. Tell me I’m worth it. Tell me I make you laugh… uncontrollably. Tell me if all the things I never dreamed you held inside. Solve… the equation at hand is a rambling score. A tally of what we know as playing around, yet nostalgically acting like we don’t want it to be more. 

If you knew your secret power would you use it for the greater good of those around you? Is it important to you? Grace defined… I’m constantly turning over a new leaf but keeping the same book. My episodes are endless. But where’s the happy endings? Where’s the full circle? Where’s the love story? It’s all in perception…