Journal
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The Workplace As A Workzone
I like my peace at work. I have worked in so many various work environments that it’s easy to see and call out what I will and won’t deal with. I just don’t have any interest in coming to work on some bullshit. I’m always amazed at the shitty spirited shit people bring to the workplace. I remember walking into work wearing my Grandmother’s Red Wool Coat. Much like Red Riding Hood I’m sure they thought. That coat is so beautiful. Turns heads every time I wear it. It was Valentines Day too. There was this lady at my job that I low key couldn’t stand. I just didn’t like…
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Less and Less
The more I think about it. Whatever is causing this type of energy, I am good on it. You can still hit me up from time to time but this between is is stressing either one of us or both of us and I’m good. E
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On The Bed
ON THE BED I laid on the bed next to him. I knew that my flaws were sprawled all over his comforter but he didn’t mind, He took the ones that were beautifully transparent in the sunlight; like a rose petal, and lifted them up. He gave me more hope than I had ever thought a human could. I rubbed his face. I am so drawn to him. And it doesn’t make sense to just stare at him right now without kissing him. His lips are so defined. Jesus, he sees me staring at him. “Hi” I say. Inside my mind I am rolling my eyes at myself for being…
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A Buffer
A buffer is something we use to numb ourselves of pain or to deal with it in a different way. Example: ‘I had a rough day, I need a drink’ … but do i need that drink to help me feel someway? Why don’t I want to feel the feelings and be in the moments? Instead of thinking about a buffer, I’m thinking about how to process my emotions raw. I don’t want to use worldly buffers (sex,drugs,alcohol,etc) to solve my problems. I think we waste too much time trying to focus on NOT doing something instead of just not desiring it by living as if. Living as if I…
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Attracting Who I Want
LOA: Attracting a Specific Person But it’s only when you are okay with not being with them, that you open the path for the Law of Attraction to attract your specific person to you. Until you’re okay with not being with him/her, a part of you is resisting and making it impossible for you to have what you want. This means, according to the Law of Attraction, that until you’re okay with possibly losing him/her, it will be difficult for you to have the relationship you want with him/her. You have to be okay with not having him/her. I know this isn’t easy. I know how hard it is. It’s…
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Late Night Green Tea
Ways I changed to mornings “push yourself to get up before the rest of the world – start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise. push yourself to fall asleep earlier – start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. lie in your garden, feel the sunshine on your skin. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit…
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Two Different
I understood the gravity of our connection as humans. Where you fell shot was when I believed that you held a standard above any other man. I believed that you were superior. I figured I was gaining by being in your presence. I walked into that room and immediately fell into the false security of you being a man in this difficult narrative called us. It wasn’t until I saw how you acted after that incident, that I looked at you differently. Maybe we had two different experiences. Maybe we had two different expectations
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A Pioneered Adventure
I envisioned a conversation about where things were headed in this zone of ours. Why did it feel like time was freezing randomly on purpose. Like he never meant to hurt us. To hurt our trust. To abandon OUR LOVE. He knew what this shit was. Just another milk dud. I just wanna hear the door thud. He’s walking around acting like he was born a thug. But I knew what it was. And I hated just because. But I wasn’t into loving his flaws just because.
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I will pass on your judgement
If ever you have wondered what the world thinks of you, you should know the feeling you get after the thought has spiraled. Thinking beyond ourselves and even imagining things that could happen in our free time. Why shall this take up so much time for us? I stopped to think today that if I gave in to the idea that someone else could make me feel worse about myself; then I have already given them the power to keep me down. Down in the couch. Where I ultimately didn’t want to be. There was a period of time where I felt like I deserved where I was at. I…
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Love From A Distance
Taken aback by the lack of responsiveness from such a beautiful program. I am a two to him in a world where he only sees zeros and ones. I never thought of him as artificial. His love for things much more than I played into our entire length of friendship. Although I stated the truth time and time again, I waited for a response that was never granted. I waited for emotion that would never show up. We were never Bambi and Thumper. There was never a time where I felt secure in the direction, and rightfully saddened about the navigation not pointing to me. Elated with the idea that…
