I retreat

I retreat when it’s like two word conversations. I clam up and it comes off as or results in… me running from the situation in its entirety. I am no stranger to ghosting you if I feel uncomfortable. And there are quite a few things that get me to feeling that way. It can be something as simple as you being too casual and unintentionally so. Lacking emotions and one-dimensional. I have given so much to these moments and these feelings. I know them all too well. So I run.

Trust that I am deep. I can have an intellectual conversation about a wide variety of topics. I can sit there and listen to you talk about your ex. I can even listen to the things you have been through and what got you here. But please, understand that I can’t take your interest seriously if I’m getting mixed signals or initiating conversation only to get responses that do nothing but evoke an “ok” from you.

We are in the midst of a pandemic. Let’s discuss that. Let’s discuss changes in my role both at work on the front line and at home front and center. The future? My love for black licorice?
Point being… Let’s discuss more than the typical.

I like old school things like romance where he/she picks up the phone and calls. Or says I’m coming to get you.

I can’t sit here and pretend the mediocre effort is a turn on. It repulsive. Even more so when it’s a good guy that you KNOW is better than the two bit conversations he’s engaging in.
Come on bruh🥴.