Love didn’t chase me back

I have found myself thinking about how many times I have chased love. How many times I have given love and not received it back; which is called ‘Unrequited Love’ (Read about my experience with it here) It was deep. It was extremely painful.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

proverbs 4:23

And each time made me stronger. Because it wasn’t just once that I dealt with it. And I was just thinking the other day that I am feeling stronger than ever now. I am able to think a little bit clearer and see things in a whole new light. Inspiration is around me everywhere.

Every time I think about lessons I have learned from past experiences, I think about what feelings I associated with this person and why. What is/was their motive, if any? What are/were the things about them that are/were making me feel this way? The preliminary questions are a conversation in my head. And the reason is because I believe past experiences prepare us for the future.

There is a period in life where you go through dating and relationships without truly thinking about it. Without taking time to think about them as a person, or their past, how you communicate, what your interests are; in depth. And most importantly, how similar are you? I think about these things more often now and then I act on what I think is best at the time. And because of something I saw in them, there have been times that I have just ghosted. Gone. There are times that I have pushed men away. I have given them a reason to leave. And those times it had to do with my insecurities and my ego. But the same has been done to me.

Shame is a blanket that we dare to wear frequently when we have gone through a heartbreak. I don’t think that’s healthy. Your season with that person is over. If you make it as simple as that for yourself, you begin to embrace the departure as growth in your life. Instead of treating it like it’s your enemy who’s out to harm you. It’s like we feel like we no longer have the option to truly go to the depths of the problem and see a way out. You have to take the time to go to the depths of the issues and figure out what is causing them, or the continuance thereof.

But when we are practicing self love we are giving into something greater for our souls. But you do know that loss creates strength right?

I have lost love. Many and many times again. I have been through that from both sides of the spectrum. I have been the person who has loved someone, made a mistake and lost them forever. I have also been in the position where they made a mistake and lost me forever.