The Drive Home

Surreal is how I choose to explain what happened. It was like something out of a movie. You meet someone and just have this crazy, insane connection with them. But they don’t realize who/what you are… or do they? Do they know what you’re worth and that scares them? Makes them search for simpler? Do they not know what you’re worth and that scares them?

He called me and asked me to come over and chill. It was a whole day we spent together.

I expected it to be one thing; and it wound up being another.

I have found myself sitting and wondering why someone just up and leaves me. What the fuck is wrong with you? I just shake my head. Even as I type this; I just get so disgusted with these mf’s. What made them do so? I’m bold enough to ask, so I did. “What is your problem? Now you’re acting weird.”

What weird wound up being is confusing to me. What confuses me is how you have a connection like that… vibe like that with someone and just disappear. I sat for a little bit after a week or so had passed and thought to myself that maybe this was Karma-related in nature. Maybe I should revisit whether or not that has been done by me, to someone who may have not deserved it at the time.

I know I have. And I didn’t take it personal. I just backed off. I stopped wondering what he was doing. Stopped wondering when the next time was that I would see him. I just began the ever-so-common task of hardening my heart a little bit. Just leaving that alone. It was bad enough when I walked out that night because of how I thought he was acting, he didn’t even bother calling. No “Hey did you get home safe?”

For that which there is no answer, I will not make myself suffer. -El’Aundra

What was different about this one was that I actually cried. That shit actually hurt. I know it wasn’t the fact that I had drank so much that day in general; and was really tired. It was just that I was stunned. I didn’t know how to react. And the truth is that sometimes we are in certain situations and we don’t know how to react to them. But I feel like there could have been more effort on his part. There was none.

As I stated to myself “Don’t take it personal.” I moved on from it. It still crosses my mind from time to time. Wanting to apologize for storming out but at the same time calling him a coward. An ass. Ass I don’t have time for.

When will they understand that it’s all about transparency with a certain type. When it comes to me, just tell me what the fuck is going on. Because if I find out on my own and aren’t with the shit’s… YES its a fuckin’ problem! You’re an asshole for how you acted.