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The Man In The Photo

Posted by elaundra

I never felt like I needed to have ownership of this man to be in his life. Never any bad intentions for being there. It was always peace. And it’s like you have someone to look up to when times are hard and you doubt yourself. Because they have already said they believe in you.
During the time of my healing from being hit by the car there was one key factor of life that sustained me in ways that I had known before. In youth. In spirit. In hope. I remained preserved. I remember going into my phone and the Walgreens app needing to release the pain. Some of the work you must do when working on the pain body and releasing it includes you subjecting yourself to visually focusing on alternate sources of peace or being in your vision visually. And I was. I live in my head naturally and has created this life we live together in my head over the years. I felt that the only way I could heal was printing his picture out from there. And I did. A 4×7. I then posted it on the wall. Recognizing that it would make me feel that much better. When I went to sleep I kissed him good night. And when I woke in the morning I would kiss him. Even the fact that I worked overnights didn’t bother me. My faith in my love for him was so strong that I knew without a doubt I was going to have him one day to myself. And it was little things like we had the same exact sunglasses. And burgundy sweats. And clothes. And talked the same. It took over me. Intoxicated me. So I would listen to that afrobeats song and do my work. Honoring the dream. I took this photo around that time as well. 💚

He always said he admired my strength. My heart honored that in itself coming from a man like him. Having so much respect, I knew that I needed to be in a right energy to be around him. Otherwise I know my own nature would not last. I woke breaking down in tears because I was in so much pain. So often. But I knew I could get through it. I did know that. It was the non-judgmental character. The deep friendship 12 years old. I appreciate everything. Like a little girl with her crush on Shamar Moore. He was always a celebrity to me. Always

I got so frustrated and ashamed of how I felt about him that I ripped the picture up. And then I printed it again. Realizing that I was just going through what I needed to in order ti draw him to me eventually. And so I printed out an 8×10. And I hope to pick it up soon. Because I am thankful for the trinkets from my kids and his photograph helping me through. I saw him once after the accident. And it was like the love of my life walking in all over again. It was my love for him. My feeling that he is the most amazing wonderful thing on this earth. Thankful for people like you in my life. And I will never love anyone like I love him. Because you’re your own one of a kind person That might be something that some people might not like. But me not caring about the past is what’s important because I always said no matter what I take you as you are. Always.

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