The workplace as a war zone

I like my peace at work.

I have worked in so many various work environments that it’s easy to see and call out what I will and won’t deal with. I just don’t have any interest in coming to work on some bullshit. I’m always amazed at the shit people bring to the workplace.

I remember walking into work wearing my Grandmother’s Red wool coat. That coat is so beautiful. Turns heads everytime I wear it. It was Valentines Day. There was this lady at my job that I low key couldn’t stand. I just didn’t like how she acted when I first met her. I kept my distance for the most part and did my work. She would initiate conversations sometimes and after a while I realized maybe I was a little harsh in judging her.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

I don’t compete with other women. This is not a competition. You lost when I walked in. Most times there is a slight assumption that I am a quiet little mousey bitch. A girl that won’t say anything to you. Just lets you spew your ideals and thoughts wherever you shall desire. Nah. Like really, NAH.

I had only been employed at this job for a couple weeks. It was not at all that the job was bad or hard. The woman I was dealing with at the time kind of made things a little difficult. She was a little intrusive with her questions that day.

Be who you are and say what you feel.

We got to talking about children. So I showed her a picture of my children. Only after she had shared numerous photos of her family.

“Awe, how precious. Such beautiful eyes your son has. Is his father white?”

I was dumbfounded. And irritated. See, that’s some shit I have no interest in entertaining let alone answering. It’s so unnecessary for me to lend an ear to what just came out of your mouth. There is no reason for me to think that she ‘didn’t mean’ this. She meant what she said. She didn’t know any better? Lies. I tend to think you get too old to be outwardly ignorant. You just don’t give a fuck. You take it to another level. A level you can’t come back from and when you are unable to retract what you’ve said; you want to get defensive.

Let down your defensiveness. There is no reason. We are the ones who should be defensive. I was defensive to what she said. I also went and cried later. At that point it wasn’t that I didn’t understand what she had just said to me. It was that I couldn’t believe it. And it made me so angry. I really wanted to punch her. This turned into a conversation that I eventually had to leave. I felt like she was attacking me for being single (especially being that it was valentines day that day, and I was single), for being a single mother, and she had the nerve to call me wordly. That was only after I told her about the heritage and ethnicity running through my veins. She proceeded to blanket and cover (or what she thought she did) the offensive things she said by telling me that her daughter was married to a Black man from Nigeria.

Is she fucking serious?

As you can imagine, that was a rough day. It was a tough conversation with HR (who gave ZERO fucks because she had been in the Radiology Dept for 35 years). It was evident that I wasn’t a concern of theirs. This white woman in her 60’s who had been there a really long time was more important. There was no value put on putting her in her place. There was no regard for the pain she just caused. There was no remorse for the words she said. There was no consequence for her actions. And most of all there was no other choice for me to make other than quit. I felt like I owed that to myself.

Outsiders will look in and think Quit?! How could you?? But I did because I had to. I felt like I wasn’t running a race. I was looking for peace. I tend to think that situations that are meant for me will find me and work themselves out.