Have you ever been around anyone, and they are so negative that when you finally get away from them; you are shocked at how much better you feel & perform. It is not without angst when you let someone you love go because they are just too toxic for you. The guilt that some people feel is what brings them back to interacting with this person that they have deemed as toxic to them.
Unfortunately, it’s not like other toxic things in the world. When you reach for the bleach there are warnings all over it; so you adhere to those warnings. When you begin dating someone, there aren’t warnings all over them unless you are witty enough to notice them. It’s hard at times to recognize the people that really truly are toxic.
Staying disconnected from Toxic People is an essential part of spiritual and mental growth. Strengthening your aura to deflect them is one of the best things you can do.
I remember thinking about how much I truly didn’t understand the toxicity in my own life at the times when I needed that understanding the most. I was always told that my being such a kind, genuine and sweet spirit would mean I needed to protect myself more. There are people out there who seek to destroy those with qualities like that.
I knew that the control factor of things is what made me initially so unwilling to continue devoting myself to a relationship I felt so small in. Where does control fit into a relationship? How much of it do you need? And more importantly who has the control; and if one person has more than the other. Let’s say the later is true; the toxic will overpower the non-toxic. That’s why in so many cases, the non-toxic people don’t leave the relationship. They continue to stay and suffer in the process.
I thought I was stronger than that.
Narcissistic and Toxic men have a way of controlling us women that makes us feel like that is the only person who will ever love us. Because that in itself is control. THEY want to be the only person that does anything for you. And then they can come back and critique what they think is wrong. The fact that it then creates an atmosphere inside you where you feel inadequate and essentially worthless. Now that you are down on the level they want you to be on; it’s time for them to bandage the wound… How that materializes is they apologize and ‘win you back.’ They do win if you let them. But you can’t think of your heart or your soul as something to be won in a game so unfair and detrimental to you. Fighting back and gaining the strength to do so was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I think of it like I had to rewire my brain to manifest love inside of me and for myself that had been buried deep within me for so long. I started writing and once I saw what I was writing I was done. For some reason, it wasn’t until I journaled all that I had been going through that I realized the damage that had been done to me. After that, I began living for me. All of the weight both physically and mentally fell off. Not only did I shed 150 pounds from my own physical self, the weight I shed from my mind was far greater and more important than any pound I had lost. Anyone can make it through, but it is not without warning. You will find yourself through the massive amounts of tears for loving yourself more. Don’t feel guilty. It’s all about you.