Let Me Tell You

Can I tell you how beautiful I already am? How beautiful I want to be? Can I also tell you what I’m running from. I’m running from a world that’s evil. That world was my past.

I always felt beauty. I always relished in my way to captivate an audience. To take people by storm and win. That’s the goal. But the right way. The demonic tense always told me that the demon was at me from where i was coming from. It was someone close to me. So I started thinking that I’m losing this person. He would tell me that my mother is evil. And I was like “What do you mean? My mother is passed away and my Mom is alive. And I didn’t support the connotation. I didn’t understand. I knew me as feeling a confident woman. A beautiful woman. A concept of comfortable sorts. As I didn’t want him portraying me as something different. He broke me baby. So hard. And they’re more but I can’t tell you. What I can tell you is this.

I sat down on the couch. He had texted me asking me to come over to his condo. He was not the demonic presence. But something felt uncomfortable about being there. He said something about having a million dollar idea. And I was confused at the time. But I was thinking to myself I’m worth so much more than what my circumstances are. And so I went to sleep that night in his bed. And he was so disrespectful with his mannerisms. I’m sleeping next to you and you hit me in the head with your arm half asleep over my head like three times. I have to inch closer to the edge of the bed. I didn’t understand this. He just wanted me to please him. Didn’t want to please me the way I wanted to be pleased. On’y using me for what he needed at the time. It was awful. I set my alarm for my Uber for early in the morning. I had to walk to work. I was working at a job cleaning apartments. And as I walked around I thought what million dollar idea is he talking about. Because when I asked him he said nothing about it. Ignored my question.

So then I thought about my current circumstance. I thought about everything I was going through. I was going to work at a job where I was cleaning apartments. I had just left a relationship where a man desires me to literally be something I am not. Someone I am not. He wants me to be filmed all the time but not in the sense of what I am comfortable with… consenting and being paid. So therefore I thought to myself I wonder if he would ever try and tape me going through what I am going through…

Then I thought to myself I wonder if this would be a good million dollar idea for someone who hates me….make one of the most talented omen I know look broke. Make fun of her being broke.

And then I just went to work. I went to work on myself. And when I saw Luther Vandross on Instagram with his weight loss I was enamored. I had lost 150 pounds. And I don’t remember being congratulated and appreciated for so much in life.

Like if you found money on the ground, if because you know I’m broke and want to monetize my social media; why would you only offer 1/3 of what you found. I was offended. So I said no. I’ll manifest my own money. I don’t want it. You found $60 on the ground and want to give me $20. That’s not good enough so I will manifest my own. You found it. Keep it yourself. A man appreciates what he’s greatly sacrificed for. I am sacrificing quite a lot to come onto these social media sites with everything I have had to hold in for years. I can’t wait for more and more love around me.

Deviant Art, Youtube, all of these other ways to be creative… The opportunities are endless.