Subscribe to a piece of my heart...

When I fell in love with airplanes, ships and cars
Why my mind is more engineering based; analytical.
What my Montessori Elementary School was like.
Why I love beer.
Why I loved carpentry, auto-cad and woodshop as a kid.
My grandmother died, and I broke down before graduation
Why I have chosen celibacy since 2011 off and on.
If I could create my own world
Veneers… The Journey to begin
My Nana said your heart has to be a man’s home
I WAS HIT BY A CAR IN 2023 IN SYRACUSE NY

I’d rather have a guitar than remember you

December 22, 2024 / Comments Off

I told myself that the negative sides of myself I cannot forgive. There was greater reason to dive into the dark sides of my earth that combust when they are shaken. I was broken in so many pieces. There is no reason to save what you think you can keep for yourself. There’s nothing here for you to take. You have played so many games. So many angles. So many times. Too much. At once. And albeit the beginning of the end. The archetype of solitudes. I would have rather sat and cried myself to sleep a thousand times than feel how I felt then. I how I wanted myself to not feel. Missing the identity. I used to have of my own. I would have given anything to stand on my own feet and see myself as worth of more than his ideal pawn on a chess board. Tell me you love me and mean it. I beg of you. Making me feel some way about someone I have no desire to feel a way about. Just because you want me to be connected to someone thus does not make them a part of me. Everything about me can be for me on my own. And I have m town identity and should display it as such. But creating a way for someone else to desire to live vicariously through me because you’re too weak to love me in single form only makes me stronger. More separation. More space. And that’s what I need. Space and time. Because there was a point in time where my wounds were not this deep. They would have healed faster. And now that we have sat with open wounds. Corrosive hearts. And damaged souls, we long to point fingers. I long to point to the sky.

’Look, a star.’

The one glimmer of hope I do have. Thank you. While the stars shine I will hum a tune. Figure out my path. Let life run its course. But understanding that a man that has my best interest will get to know me first. He will invest in me. Shall he be the negative energy force that drives a succubus; he shall be banished from my love upon the very realization that my love wasn’t his. Forgiving thyself giving more to the intuitive nature to instincts reach for his own, because you are beyond worthy of having your own. I may run from you. I may cry alone. I may sit in fear. I may not know how to be loved by you any more than you would know how to love me. But I know I have a bay window over the kitchen sink in my brain right now. And I don’t even want to talk about why that makes me think of building my view to be a bit different. A bit more satisfying in the aesthetically pleasing ways only my mind knows..drawing. Drawing instead of drowning. I felt like your heart wasn’t open. And I was drowning. But when I have a bay view with peace I will be ok.

Jacket: Forever 21–Jeans: Mossimo-Shirt: No Boundaries-Flannel: Forever 21-Belt: Vintage-Scarf: Nine West

El'Aundra

Poetic

EL'AUNDRA

WRITER

Full Disclosure: I have been a poet since a child. You would have or should have known that about me before dating or entering a relationship. I have never been proposed to or married. I believe that you don't own anyone. So, no matter what I was doing; I was fantasizing about love. Should you take that offensively, that's not how poetry would be written to 'offend you.' It was written to heal me. So, I don't want you to feel that way. Don't get into wondering if you're the subject of the poem, just read without glasses of judgement. Then it is nothing for you to think you can speculate on who it pertains to. Or assume Daily Affirmation: My heart is always open to give and receive love. ‘You’ as in a multiplication of people I have encountered and had affiliations with throughout the year. Miguel Ruiz has a principle DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL ❤️ I have many times over been through what you have either put me through, have been through yourself or never experienced. Some topics might be sensitive and resonate. I do not lie about dates or anything I write. It's all in truth. I do not steal writings from someone else. I have written since I had nothing else to do at 2 years old after falling out of a 3rd story window. I would have thought that there would have been more of a scenery on this road to this point. Leveled by trenches of heartbreak, taken under by waves of grief. Experiencing every type of anguish possibly known to man. And yet my face only brought some men pleasure while they were in the arms of another woman. My aura was only enough for them to want to hurt me because they hated my voice. Carrying torches of stained experiences. Wallowing in the depth of my shame because of how your hatred for not only me, but yourself; made me see the light. But little did they know, that's literal, metaphorical and figuratively speaking. And I know you hate me, that's why I never stopped writing about how you made me feel. Thats important in the healing process. I always had fashion, singing, sewing, art, and many other creative things in my life that gave me happiness before the heartbreak. So it's imperative that I get this out... inspire others through Makeup, Fashion, etc just as I did in 2009. Living in Charlotte North Carolina opening up products being sent to the house for me to review.❤️

Given The CircumstancesNovember 25, 2008
“What about him Lonnie?” “Really?” I said. “He isn’t exactly my type and he looks like he is a player.” “He’s not. He’s a really good dude. A big strong dude.” “Hmmmm… I just don’t think he can handle me. I said to my cousin. She was trying to set me up with this absolutely gorgeous dreamboat that was love at first sight. So it started there. It was more of an if, when and why. It started with hello and how are you. But something about him felt hard to me. It seemed like he needed to be softened. He was just so edgy. But I loved it. And I am not used to that type of man. He has a great smile. just not the type of insatiable chemistry I am looking for. I got his phone number and we texted back and forth.
Me Dot ComOctober 22, 2009
I have a unique name. And I was blessed with the opportunity to carry that name stemming from my grandmother’s first & middle name. It was so very difficult for me to write my name in kindergarten. And it was even more difficult for the teachers to attempt to pronounce it correctly. Once middle school came around, I was pretty used to the… “Is El-on…here?” “El’Aundra” I’d interrupt, “And yes I am here” How annoying it became. But patience came in the form of me realizing that they were new to my name, and I was lucky to not have a name like everyone else. Or was I? Once high school came around, I was pretty much wishing I was Marie on Wednesdays, Cynthia on Thursdays, and Brooke on Sundays. Why, I don’t know. But I wanted something easier. Something much simpler. Something that could not be manipulated. As much as my name was ripped to shreds by the time it came out of most people’s mouths, I was still quite thankful for such a clever name. But what was it that made me want another name? Why wasn’t I satisfied with my own? Who was to say that if my name was something else that I would have been satisfied with it? The guarantee came when I got away from those who saw me everyday and met new people. And they liked my name. They thought that it was beautiful, unique, pretty, interesting, different and one of a kind. Unbeknown to me, it was becoming something that I was proud of. And understanding that even though my name was hard to pronounce, it was beautiful in it’s own special way. Growing and maturing has allowed me to become interested in making my name a [dot com]. When I had first started blogging, the idea had crossed my mind; but I wasn’t too serious about it at the time. And now that I see a great amount of potential in my blog, I am pleased to announce that my blog is no longer titled “EDK.DOLCE”, and the blog is no longer at “www.edkdolce.blogspot.com” The blog is not titled “El’Aundra” and located at “www.elaundra.com”How amazing is that? Pretty darn amazing. EDK.DOLCE is still a part of my website and my MUA work. It’s on my business cards because it’s a great business title. And it’s still professional. Have any of you ever disliked your name at one point or another? What name did you dream of having? What do you think makes some of us unsatisfied with our names?
Healthy Me Featured Follower: TaniaOctober 22, 2010
1.Introduce yourself, what is your name? Tania.2.How old are you? 21 years 3.Where in the world are you? I was born in Portugal but i live in Belgium 20 years. 4.Do you have a Social Networking site like Facebook that you want to share? http://www.facebook.com/#!/tania.selena 5.Whats your blogs url? http://glitterglamtania.blogspot.com/ 6.When did you start blogging?09/09/2010 7.What made you want to blog? I love writing and wants to help more people through the Internet. 8.Why a blog focused on health & fitness? There are many people in the world who would want to be slim. Everyone wants a goal, better health, just by fashion-conscious clothing to dress your look slimmer. And make-up course 9.Whats your favorite workout? Bootcamp of zusanna http://www.bodyrock.tv/ 10.What are 5 things about health/fitness/yourself that you want your readers to know? 1. I love fitness. 2. I like learning new things 3. I want to help more people 4. I send love and motivation 5. You are not alone to get to your goal11.Whats the best health advice you would give? healthy eating and exercise a lot.12.Who or what inspires you the most to be healthy? everything13.Do you believe its easy to live a healthy lifestyle? It is not easy. If you are in balance your life will be easier. You are not alone because I am participating. I also want to reach my goals.14.Who is your celebrity health/fitness inspiration? comes from everywhere.15.Whats one most interesting thing about you? I am a medium so I see spirits / souls and I can see the future. That’s more private. And so I want to help more people. Got questions? Comment on my blog. And I’ll help you. xxx
Fashion Surveillance- Rachel AdamsOctober 23, 2010
Fashion Surveillance is something new I’ve started. It is 8 different looks (red carpet & candid) from 1 celebrity. Here goes to the first one: Rachel McAdams… So what look do you like the most? Are you a fan of Rachel? I personally love her. She is such a great actress and has so much poise.
The best I can do isOctober 23, 2010
Sometimes I think the best I can do is more for myself. I am thinking about this in a selfish way. I don’t mean to make you feel some typr of way. But I know that I know I need to feel the feeling I have felt before where I did not care about what a man thought about me. I was more concerned with pleasing myself. Because knowing that pleasing him was not going to get me anywhere and it was going to be something that was going to fulfill him for the long run. But will it fulfill me for this time that we are in now. I want to be able to trust you. Bit I have been burnt so many times before and I don’t like the fact that so many people have made me into something that I don’t have to be. I am not something for myself to look back and regret being. But in some ways I do, And I think it sometime is because i regret the things that someone had me go through. I don’t have to go through that and you made me feel so bad about myself I didn’t feel like I could trust you. You were something that made me feel so insecure and unloved it made me look for love and security elsewhere. Artichokes: They have only 60 calories. They contain phytochemicals that may lower cholesterol. Lemon H2O: Lemon peels contain pectin- a soluble fiber proven to help immensely with weight loss. Lemon water helps you feel fuller. Just add lemon juice to your water!! Red Grapefruit: I read about a study where a woman ate half a grapefruit with each meal and lost 3.6 pounds over 12 weeks. While those who drank it 3 times a day lost 3.3 pounds. The red kind has more of the cancer protecting antioxidant lycopene. *make your skin glow!* Figs: They have been shown to perk up your looks and slow the aging process. Eating a handful of dried figs increases the number of antioxidants in your blood for four hours. Which is much longer than many other foods. Red Bell Peppers: These have large amounts of Vitamins A, C & E. Which makes it a superfood. Watermelon: This also has the cancer fighting antioxidant lycopene. And it provides 33% more protection against sunburn than other fruits. *bolster that body* Blueberries: The neural pathways in our brains are growing and improving all the time. Eat the right foods and you’ll be able to concentrate better, remember more and feel calmer. Blueberries may improve memory, cognition, and balance. Researchers believe that blueberries reduce inflammation and help us overcome the normal effects of brain aging. Cinnamon: Researchers believe that cinnamon may inhibit certain Alzheimer’s disease cells. Plums: These fruits decrease anxiety-related behaviors, and researchers think they protect against depression. A perfect lift me up for a gloomy day!!!

El'Aundra

You May Also Like

Her Angel Eyes

Grateful

Enamored Winds