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My grandmother died, and I broke down before graduation
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I WAS HIT BY A CAR IN 2023 IN SYRACUSE NY

Life With A Newborn (2015)

November 15, 2015 / Comments Off

It’s amazing how exhausted you are after having a child… I don’t remember too much of the pain from my first. More of the reason being that it was 8 years ago and less of the reason being how busy I was. Even though I was entirely young and clueless. Jax was an unexpected emergency c-section. And Nev was natural. These two different experiences have completely shaped how I feel about childbirth… I don’t want any more children right now. I have experienced both ways of having them, I have a boy and a girl; and they are both wonderful.

Recovery has become something of a soirée of sorts. I have tried my hardest to sit still and relax while the boyfriend is taking care of Jax, but the impossibility of it is overbearing so I get up and do something to keep busy. Keeping busy is what I have done since I got out of having my c-section. I had Jax at 11:05pm and was in my private room by 3am. Sleeping until 8 the next morning. It wasn’t the best sleep in the world, but it was completely drug filled and foggy. I could barely walk, had these balloon space boots on my feet and ankles to help with blood flow, and I was overly irritated. I had to have help with everything. But when they told me that they wanted me to walk later that day, I was game. I was on board with that, and from that moment forward, until my discharge day; I was busy as a bee. And it felt great. The Dr saw my progress and took my staples out on Day 2. I can’t say that this is the experience I was told about, nor was it the experience that everyone has…but it was definitely something to remember.

I often find myself hallucinating at 3am because I have been up for so long and have quite totally lost my mind. I can’t wait for him to fall asleep so I can get an extra couple minute of sleep. I often forget that babies don’t like cold bottles and dread dragging my sleepy ass to the microwave to warm his bottle. These are the common musings of the beginning of life with a newborn baby. But when he sleeps, he does sleep well. And how could you not like that? His schedule is getting much better. I feel like babies are really good with making their own schedule. With the boyfriend’s work schedule sometimes it’s hard because Jax likes to be wide awake at 3 am and Daddy has to be to work at 6:30 for a 14-hour day. But how does mommy make this work? I sleep on the couch. I have a memory foam pillow and fuzzy blanket stored downstairs just for me. These days are cherished, and I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I am actually watching a brand-new episode of SNL… I am actually awake to watch this awesome show… Fantastic!

El'Aundra

Poetic

EL'AUNDRA

WRITER

Full Disclosure: I have been a poet since a child. You would have or should have known that about me before dating or entering a relationship. I have never been proposed to or married. I believe that you don't own anyone. So, no matter what I was doing; I was fantasizing about love. Should you take that offensively, that's not how poetry would be written to 'offend you.' It was written to heal me. So, I don't want you to feel that way. Don't get into wondering if you're the subject of the poem, just read without glasses of judgement. Then it is nothing for you to think you can speculate on who it pertains to. Or assume Daily Affirmation: My heart is always open to give and receive love. ‘You’ as in a multiplication of people I have encountered and had affiliations with throughout the year. Miguel Ruiz has a principle DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL ❤️ I have many times over been through what you have either put me through, have been through yourself or never experienced. Some topics might be sensitive and resonate. I do not lie about dates or anything I write. It's all in truth. I do not steal writings from someone else. I have written since I had nothing else to do at 2 years old after falling out of a 3rd story window. I would have thought that there would have been more of a scenery on this road to this point. Leveled by trenches of heartbreak, taken under by waves of grief. Experiencing every type of anguish possibly known to man. And yet my face only brought some men pleasure while they were in the arms of another woman. My aura was only enough for them to want to hurt me because they hated my voice. Carrying torches of stained experiences. Wallowing in the depth of my shame because of how your hatred for not only me, but yourself; made me see the light. But little did they know, that's literal, metaphorical and figuratively speaking. And I know you hate me, that's why I never stopped writing about how you made me feel. Thats important in the healing process. I always had fashion, singing, sewing, art, and many other creative things in my life that gave me happiness before the heartbreak. So it's imperative that I get this out... inspire others through Makeup, Fashion, etc just as I did in 2009. Living in Charlotte North Carolina opening up products being sent to the house for me to review.❤️

Given The CircumstancesNovember 25, 2008
“What about him Lonnie?” “Really?” I said. “He isn’t exactly my type and he looks like he is a player.” “He’s not. He’s a really good dude. A big strong dude.” “Hmmmm… I just don’t think he can handle me. I said to my cousin. She was trying to set me up with this absolutely gorgeous dreamboat that was love at first sight. So it started there. It was more of an if, when and why. It started with hello and how are you. But something about him felt hard to me. It seemed like he needed to be softened. He was just so edgy. But I loved it. And I am not used to that type of man. He has a great smile. just not the type of insatiable chemistry I am looking for. I got his phone number and we texted back and forth.
Fashion Surveillance- Rachel AdamsOctober 23, 2010
Fashion Surveillance is something new I’ve started. It is 8 different looks (red carpet & candid) from 1 celebrity. Here goes to the first one: Rachel McAdams… So what look do you like the most? Are you a fan of Rachel? I personally love her. She is such a great actress and has so much poise.
The best I can do isOctober 23, 2010
Sometimes I think the best I can do is more for myself. I am thinking about this in a selfish way. I don’t mean to make you feel some typr of way. But I know that I know I need to feel the feeling I have felt before where I did not care about what a man thought about me. I was more concerned with pleasing myself. Because knowing that pleasing him was not going to get me anywhere and it was going to be something that was going to fulfill him for the long run. But will it fulfill me for this time that we are in now. I want to be able to trust you. Bit I have been burnt so many times before and I don’t like the fact that so many people have made me into something that I don’t have to be. I am not something for myself to look back and regret being. But in some ways I do, And I think it sometime is because i regret the things that someone had me go through. I don’t have to go through that and you made me feel so bad about myself I didn’t feel like I could trust you. You were something that made me feel so insecure and unloved it made me look for love and security elsewhere. Artichokes: They have only 60 calories. They contain phytochemicals that may lower cholesterol. Lemon H2O: Lemon peels contain pectin- a soluble fiber proven to help immensely with weight loss. Lemon water helps you feel fuller. Just add lemon juice to your water!! Red Grapefruit: I read about a study where a woman ate half a grapefruit with each meal and lost 3.6 pounds over 12 weeks. While those who drank it 3 times a day lost 3.3 pounds. The red kind has more of the cancer protecting antioxidant lycopene. *make your skin glow!* Figs: They have been shown to perk up your looks and slow the aging process. Eating a handful of dried figs increases the number of antioxidants in your blood for four hours. Which is much longer than many other foods. Red Bell Peppers: These have large amounts of Vitamins A, C & E. Which makes it a superfood. Watermelon: This also has the cancer fighting antioxidant lycopene. And it provides 33% more protection against sunburn than other fruits. *bolster that body* Blueberries: The neural pathways in our brains are growing and improving all the time. Eat the right foods and you’ll be able to concentrate better, remember more and feel calmer. Blueberries may improve memory, cognition, and balance. Researchers believe that blueberries reduce inflammation and help us overcome the normal effects of brain aging. Cinnamon: Researchers believe that cinnamon may inhibit certain Alzheimer’s disease cells. Plums: These fruits decrease anxiety-related behaviors, and researchers think they protect against depression. A perfect lift me up for a gloomy day!!!
“I was told high fashion and nappy hair don’t mix.”October 23, 2010
Do you recognize this gorgeous woman? What about now? No? Well let me help you. I think Chrisette Michele is gorgeous. Even more so, I think she has an amazing voice. There is a quick interview that she did with Necole Bitchie. You revealed your new hairstyle at a show at Albany State University, right?I didn’t really plan to reveal it. I was at a show and I had a hat on so when I went backstage there was a bunch of kids with cameras. They saw the front of my head and since it was so light blond and close to my skin complexion they made headlines that I had shaved my head bald. I was a bit disappointed. I did cut my hair off. It’s a quarter inch. It’s not shaven but I was so over the hair damage and everything I was dealing with having the other hair style so I said that I was going to go back natural. When I posted your photos, one comment in particular said that “Women who have natural hair look down on women who prefer to relax their hair because they secretly hate their own hair.” It was like a battle between those who prefer natural hair and those who prefer relaxed hair.It’s so interesting to me because my thing is I always want to bring unity. For me it’ll never be a battle between a natural sister and a relaxed sister. It’ll always be what’s best for you and what’s best for me is having the healthiest hair possible. I’m a girl who has always had healthy hair and getting into the music industry has ruined my hair care regimen because you have to be on 10 all the time. So the easiest way for me to be on 10 is to be on 10 naturally. Someone made the comment that shaving her hair off was the most liberating experience she has had as a woman. Do you feel the same way?It definitely was liberating because people told me that my style; who I am as a musician, who I am as a person, and who I am as a body type would never fly in this industry. 1) because I’m too thick 2) because my hair was nappy 3) because I wasn’t singing about what everyone else was singing about. I am not interested in really selling sex, that’s not really my brand so I’ve faced a lot of challenges so far and wanting to go natural for 6-7 months now was a challenge. People that I asked (not from my label) was like “You can’t do that. That doesn’t match fashion. You can’t be high-fashion with nappy hair.” I feel at times we use our hair as a security blanket. The longer my hair is or the “bigger” I wear it, the more I hide my insecurities. And then sometimes I just feel like India Arie’s “I Am Not My Hair.”But the truth of the matter is, everyone keeps saying to me “I am not my hair.” I AM my hair. Whether I wear long tresses on my head or short naps, that’s me. And when you say something crazy about it or disrespect it, you hurt my feelings. Artists like to make believe that nothing effects them and that they love haters and haters make them stronger. That’s a load of bullcrap. I think that haters are mean and that’s all that’s to it. So…I am my hair. I was told you have photos of your new hairstyle. When do you plan to reveal them?Me and Derek Blanks did a photo shoot titled “For Freedom, Not For Beauty” because the main reason for this is not about being beautiful. It’s about being free from the status quo and from being in the box and from being what everybody thinks one person should be. And really just liberating oneself and becoming what that person wants to be. I also wrote a poem that goes with it. ♥ Do you feel that sometimes as women, we use our hair as security blankets? What kind of scrutiny do you think all women face with their hair? Why is your hair important to you?
Rihanna Reb’l Fleur Perfume Revealed!!October 23, 2010
If you’re as big a Rihanna fan as I am, you have been wishing for this moment. And you know in your heart that it’s gonna be big. When Beyonce’s perfume came out, I thought it was ok; but it doesn’t smell that good for that long. And when Kim Kardashian’s perfume came out, I knew I had smelled it before but I just didn’t know what. And with Rihanna’s notes being a fruity chypre, with these floral notes: tuberose, violet and hibiscus – with a splash of coconut water; I just know this is going to be amazing. Tuberose is such and amazing scent! The scent was just introduced at the TWFA World Exhibition in Cannes, France. Next year is when it comes out in the US and Internationally. I love the idea that she had for the bottle. I love that you wouldn’t necessarily think that it’s representative of a heel. The bottle glows from within. It is decorated with a gold ring, and silk ribbons. The box is quite nice. But if I was Rihanna, I would have done a black box with that gold decoration on it and white writing. Can’t wait until it comes out. Are there any perfumes that you just can’t live without or are awaiting their release? One of my all-time favorites is Shi by Alfred Sung…it’s amazing.

El'Aundra

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