Nobody Cares
If in the event that someone tells me “Nobody Cares”, I will laugh in their face. I can’t spit in it because that is considered a level of disrespect I dare not approach. But not even in the lightest terms should I have to explain it in this way. I am not a person who likes seeing others in pain. But I do know that people like to dish out vengeance. I take solace in my strength being the one thing you will likely be threatened by, and you will want to affect. I would want you to know that there’s no reason for me to touch you in the name of vengeance. What will kill your soul is my strength when facing adversity. I trust in God before trusting you. Always. My words simply, with love and sealed. You cannot tell me that there isn’t someone who cares enough to want to see me paid $4 per word. He might love me enough to argue more per word. And if it isn’t you or that isn’t here yet for me, understand that God can create it for me. I have full belief in that. And no fear in you at that point. You would sooner want to see me fail. Not writing. Not inspired. Not motivated. Just wavering and wilting. That’s not every human. I get chills when I read what I write. Imagine going through it. Imagine loving me because I went through it. That’s chilling in itself. Strengthening my emotional intelligence with every keystroke.
That is bullshit.
It’s not up to me to make you cry. If you choose to cry that is on your own. But when you dispel pain and unfairness on others and expect them to cry; you might be met with the devil. I cannot bring you to my God. Not with me at least. How am I supposed to pray with you. I will always pray for you. I cannot bring you to my Bible and sooner pray for you unless you’re willing. You say nobody cares right? Shaking in between breaths of despair the gut-wrenching truth is that I will not cry before you. You will cry at my truth and feelings about how you hurt me before I ever cry more about how badly it hurts. In retrospect the pain circumference surrounds us. You’re thinking you can suffocate me. Paralyze me. Have me begging and crawling back on my knees thinking I need you. Not to feel better about myself, no. Because in fact if you were concerned about how good I SHOULD feel about myself you would understand what confidence the Lord’s blessings actually bring to me. What if you aren’t that blessing when you say that? Just a curse. A representation of the weakness I had once. The control you had over me once.
Again, I say I will not make you cry as bad as your mother can. Because again, I am a mother. And when my children cry; I cry. And I know how that feels. But I will make sure you know that I am a mother. Who not only has respect for herself but one who has cried because of you and your pain. Maybe more than once. Maybe longer than a day. And maybe your mother cries because you have no concern for the pain you put me through. The disrespect. The ignorance. The insight on how you are superior to me. And I need to bow to you. As if you are God. And what hurts me and concerns me even more, is your willingness to act as if you are trustworthy enough to not play God. But you aren’t. So, you will try. And I cannot account for him blocking you from that attempt. But I can account for him consoling the pain in my heart because your hatred is an existence in my presence that I resent.
What if God isn’t there for you when you need his presence? Because you refuse? Not because in actuality he isn’t there. HE IS ALWAYS THERE.
You’re insecure with my confidence and strength. And you blame me. When you are knowing that God has an open-door policy. You just refuse to abide. All-encompassing jealousy and insecurities, you need healing. And I cannot promise that I am your answer if that’s all you can say to me is
‘NOBODY CARES’
Especially since every word on this blog speaks to my life experiences in love, friendship, parenting, fashion, makeup and more.
That will never be me. That is what I say to myself. I will never be you. And likely because of your continued hatred for me; I can never be with you.
Romans 12:19— “Vengeance is mine; I will repay says the Lord”
Deuteronomy 32:35— “Vengeance is mine and recompense, and their foot shall slip in due time; for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.”
XOXO, El’Aundra
