Where this was

There was a part of me that was thinking that in this world of things where you can do anything what is it that makes your heart bleed? What makes you so excited about life? What creates a fire inside you? I walked around for so long in what seemed like a fog that wouldn’t go away. I was wondering what I was going to be up against. What mistakes had I made that I needed to fix. It was apparent to me that I had made many mistakes coming up to this point. And seeing them clearly only made things more real for me. Was I taking too much time to heal. Were there things about the healing process that I thought i was learning that I wasn’t learning? Making more of the same mistakes. Repeating things seemed like something that I was deep in. A cycle. A fog where I know I saw what was in front of me, but I was so blinded by my hatred for myself at the point in time. And I just didn’t heal from it. I gave into people and circumstances that were not helping growth. So, I started standing up for myself. And saying to others that were watching me fail, that maybe if you didn’t sit and point fingers, I wouldn’t have to do certain things that I must do to live. The clock still ticks whether I have money or not. And it will be people around you that will tell you that you have to lower your pride and move and motivate yourself. All of which is true but at what point do you actually sit down and think about what you might be settling for? I know what has to be done and quickly I would assume. I thought that working on a cleaning business was an idea that was productive. It was something that I was definitely interested in pursuing.