Sitting here dealing with hunger beyond belief. Microwaving rice with somewhat sensible seasonings. Steak-umm meat, and sour cream. Grateful for the sense of budgeting I have right now. $20 is gone before you know it. It’s 3:42 am. I cannot sleep because I have had an entire pot of coffee over the last 12 hours of yesterday into today March 27th. And my pride prevents me from dealing with the berating attitude of those around you, you may ask for help from. I will starve before I listen to someone bitch on the phone and interrogate me for my homeless situation right now. Sometimes it’s easier to spend $1.20 on ramen for the night and let God handle the rest. This bible verse calms my soul, and I hope it does the same for you.

‘Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.’

Phillipians 2:4

“This is your fault” – A post on toxicity and more here, and here

“Choose better people.” – A post on the meaning of friendship here, here, and here

“Go work.” – A post on how hard I work here

How is it that you parent yourself? How is it that you take care of that part of you that was beaten and broken and had to be built up in order to ‘grow up.’

Always privy to a sense of classical music playing in my mind when sometimes the current people I surrounded myself with would make me go through the very things mentally that I had tried to escape as a child. The household is perfect to you. The book is good to you. The song was your favorite.

When you want your own identity, you get tired of seeking the validity of others tearing you down just to tell you that their favorite part of you was when you were ____. Likely something that was accustomed to listening under their rules. Following their guidance. And without realizing that as a boyfriend who did not have my best interest at heart, you were pissing off my inner child. I would ask myself why that would be a motive for regression into an argument. Often being called a scared little girl that was running away. And you’re not realizing your very involvement in the things that don’t bring me pleasure and comfort are just some of the reasons I feel like running away from you. Not something widely understood, often underestimated is the ideal communication an abusive man can have with you. My mannerisms need to be suited around you making me feel insecure for no reason?

The parenting part comes in. You don’t give my inner child relief. That’s the truth. And when you don’t realize yourself that your inner child needs healing, it goes around hurting other people.

A stanza that refers to Pegasus, I will share with you an excerpt from “Aesthetics & The Theory of Criticism” by Arnold Isenberg reads:

From following walls I never lift my eye,
Except at night to places in the sky
Where showers of chartered meteors let fly.

Some may know what they seek in school and church,
And why they seek it there; for what I search
I must go measuring stone walls, perch on perch;

Sure that though not a star of death and birth,
So not to be compared, perhaps, in worth
To such resorts of life as Mars and Earth–
Though not, I say, a star of death and sin.
It yet has poles, and only needs a spin
To show its worldly nature and begin.

To chafe and shuffle in my calloused palm
And run off in strange tangents with my arm,
As fish do with the line in first alarm.

Such as it is, it promises the prize
Of the wone world complete in any size
That I am like to compass, fool or wise.

Part II, Chapter 8: Cordelia Absent

When you read that poem how does it make you feel? When you think about the truth in how you prevent others from healing their inner child, how does that make you feel? How would you feel if you were stifled from healing in the same ways you do unto others? Berating, interrogating, accusing? No matter the assault to the nature of the person, you have often an unresolved issue with your own inner child which is why you choose to lie about the parenting intentions of another person. The loving intentions of another person. Your overall personality can be undervalued by the people around you. They knew that they are not healing childhood wounds with you and would rather lie to themselves and others instead of making things easier for you to open yourself up to them.

So when your friend or someone close to you lies, what do you do? Do you believe in the hypocrisy you just participated in? I have always had a desire to be at rest and peace without feeling that my inner child needs to be healed with someone who cannot incur a positive relationship. I would find myself not a fan of someone’s way of living in lies and not have a desire to not be around them at all. Rather seeking solace in a book. To lessen the impact of the attack. By clicking here Google will give you a concise way to work through healing your inner child. I will tell you, writing poetry and other creative expressions like painting, singing and dancing, listening to Chillhop, volunteering, being around family, relinquishing myself to the earth in a lawn of freshly mowed grass even…