It Matters

Every day is a reminder of how strong I truly am when it comes to this. I guess if the situation was handled by someone else, they would have allowed the Legos to fall a long time ago, said those 3 words and gotten carried away with emotions and careless actions. But I can’t let that happen. We are great at what we are and what he wants is what we are right now. The question of if and when we would be more has crossed my mind so many times my brain is numb. The fact that his smile could undress me is paramount. And the scent of his skin (not his cologne) makes me dizzy with anticipation of touching him. The reality is that there are so many men out there is known to me. But why wait for him? Because he is worth it. And the worst thing that could be said is known. I have been strong enough to keep how I really feel to myself, and I know I will be strong enough to continue doing so. It’s spending the night, insatiable passion and deep conversations fit for friends that have been so since they were toddlers. No denying that the love I feel for him is stronger than 100 spider webs, but I can’t help but wonder; am I making a mistake?

*At this point I was dealing with a lot. I was never the type to be dating more than 4 people at once to be honest. Never really keeping long drawn-out connections because assaults would happen and distract my focus. I think looking back now it was imperative that I focused on what was in front of me. I lost a lot getting depressed about being strung along by so many different adventures in life. I was living in my apartment in Syracuse at the time. (1/7/25)