The Ice

Tonight we are going to talk about Domestic Violence and how that contributed to me getting tattoos on my hips of pistols. I got tired of being used and mistreated. Never good enough to marry but told that the men loved other women; especially white women more. I might have not been worth much to a few. And what you will learn in life is that you must move on. I will tell you, there weren’t “many”… They want to shower me and take me out and treat me like the queen I am. setting me up for a fairytale that would never come. My independence came first for a long time. Until I got mad at myself for continuing to stand in front of the people who were trying to break down my strength and set me up for failure at times. Then blaming it on me that I did not succeed. Maybe so, but I think I would have succeeded more being in a healthy environment even if it was a world I created with boundaries. Where I don’t forgive you. I don’t answer your bullshit. I don’t engage in your rhetoric.

I am working through my mental today. Working through some flashbacks and on a scale of 1-10 as far as mental pain it’s a 5. I am watching a documentary on Netflix called Emergency NYC. Ignoring spam calls and looking at apartments. More-so looking at myself. I’ll also discuss other aspects of how this poetic writing blog has been a part of my world since 2008. I always hated when it was made to seem something else. Especially when I am such a multi-faceted person. Again, the mind is to be cherished. Not abused.

Later I will dissect. Every relocation. Every failed school subject. And WHY.

Believe in yourself.

Make it make sense for you. I would hate for someone else to tell you some shit about my thought process that isn’t true.

Stay strong no matter what color you are. No matter what gender. YOU deserve a love for YOU. That’s respectful and true. I am not mad I don’t have that. Not one bit. I could be alone for the rest of my life and just going back to school learning new things, and giving back to the world raising children, volunteering in soup kitchens and be just fine. Love is love. And everything is everything. And WE are everything. WE ALL ARE EVERYTHING.

Drank a pot of coffee.. Maxwell House. I didn’t sleep. Much like when I was working at People Inc. That’s how I would stay up. I was up ALL NIGHT.

XOXO

El’Aundra